10 Slashers That Could Benefit from a Remake: THE MUTILATOR (1985)

Now that we're well into 2012, something has occurred to me: it's the first year in a decade that has no slasher remakes scheduled for release. While the remakes have swooned the box office with usual great success, very few horror film movements have drawn up as much protest as the dreaded remake craze did.

It's pretty obvious, looking back, as to how studios and producers chose which slashers were deemed worth remaking - they were the slashers that were original moneymakers upon their original release. HALLOWEEN, THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, FRIDAY THE 13TH, PROM NIGHT, THE HILLS HAVE EYES, and A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET were all monster successes and pop-culture phenomenon's. Even more cult-y slashers like BLACK CHRISTMAS and MY BLOODY VALENTINE had earned a solid enough reputation to guarantee a solid fanbase.

But when you really think about it, doesn't the thought of remaking more well-known slasher films seem to sort of juxtapose what a remake stands for? Shouldn't they be remaking films that are less-known and more dated, to bring them to a modern-day audience? While 2012 might not have any remakes on its schedule, I can guarantee you that a second wave of remakes will eventually come along. But when it does, it should be focusing its efforts on the movies that actually could benefit from a redo. As we take a break from remakes in theaters, here's the ten suggestions for films to consider a redux for, and ways to take the original movie and make it fresh and modern without spitting in the face of the original's fans (here's looking at you, Rob Zombie!).

04. THE MUTILATOR

"By Sword. By Pick. By Axe. Bye, Bye!" - one of the best slasher film taglines, ever.


The Mutilator told the story of a young boy named Ed who accidentally shoots and kills his loving mother while cleaning his father's gun. Years later, his now-crazed father stalks him and his friends as they vacation at the family's beach house, and eventually wipes out the friends while trying to get to Ed.

By the time The Mutilator was released, interest in the slasher genre had pretty much begin to dry up. The Mutilator a no-budget shlock that lacks the style, personality, atmosphere, and creativity that made earlier slashers so much fun. The film seems uninspired in most parts, but the one thing that The Mutilator did live up to is its name - the gore factor is really the only reason why The Mutilator has retained any type of cult status. And because of its cult status, it deserves another shot - gorier and nastier, with a better rounded story. 

The Concept

What the original 1985 film really had working for it was the very basic plot - insane father is driven to kill his offspring. It also had those shocking death scenes, from one character getting impaled in the groin with a fishing gaff to another character being completely cut in half, crawling on the ground with his intestines dragging along. While undoubtedly tasteless, The Mutilator at least followed through on one of its promises.

Over the decades since its release, The Mutilator has become known for its gore, so the gore is essential in the remake. But the gore should be nasty and intense, in the vein of I SAW THE DEVIL and THE RAID: REDEMPTION. Too often, teenage slashers are glossed over - even SCREAM and Friday the 13th, while gruesome, don't fully commit to the nastiness and violence. The Mutilator remake must.

When looking at things to fix, the story for The Mutilator is the best place to start. First of all, our protagonist accidentally shoots hit mother and kills her. Years later, he seems rather normal, considering that he committed matricide. Realistically, that would mess a kid up a little bit more. Rather than having the kid literally kill the mother, it might make more sense for the mother to die of natural causes related to child birth. This still happens a lot, and the grievingly insane father could be driven to madness through his wife's death and the sudden realization that he must now care for a new baby... or three.

That's right. Three children - triplets - should be the targets of the insane father in The Mutilator. Why? Well, for several reasons - it gives them more friends for their crazy daddy to hack up, it adds an emotional bond, and it also leaves room for a sequel (could one of the kids become the next "mutilator?"). Also, going back to the original backstory with the mother dying in child birth, the insane father could be so overwhelmed with three babies that they literally could drive him mad. His solution: killing them in a very Andrea Yates-inspired way by drowning the newborns. But he is stopped by his sister-in-law and her husband, and committed to a hospital for insanity. Meanwhile, the sister-in-law and her husband could take the kids in.

Now, for daddy. In the original film, it is never really specified what makes the father suddenly snap after all those years and try to kill his son and friends. However, if he has been in a hospital for the past twenty years, the father will eventually be released back into society, and follow his wrath on his family. Of course, the three triplets known very little about him, but they eventually start to figure things out.

The triplets, now all college aged, bring their friends home for Fall Break to their New England beach house. As tensions arise between the three siblings and their guests, they are unaware that someone has been watching. Oh, and the mutilator is prepared with a tool-shed full of weapons. I mean, he has to live up to his classic tagline; "By Pick. By Axe. By Sword... Bye, Bye!"

The Plot

Twenty years ago: a beautiful, loving, sweet woman dies on a hospital bed while giving birth to triplets. Her ruling, military-man husband James is overcome by grief. The woman's sister Deborah and her husband Harrison come to help James care for the triplets. One night, James is left alone with his newborn sons; he is unable to cope with his wife's death and the new responsibility, and blames the babies for losing the love of his life. He attempts to drown them in a bathtub, but Deborah and Harrison arrive in time to save them. James is taken to a mental hospital, and the triplets are taken in by their aunt and uncle. 

Present day: Deborah wakes up after a nightmare. She goes downstairs to get a glass of water. Hears a noise, discovers the door is open, and assumes its the house caretaker. She goes back upstairs to discover Harrison is dead. She is then attacked and gruesomely killed by... James. He's back. 

The next day: Michael, one of the triplets, arrives at the house with his girlfriend, Hudson. They can't find anyone, except for Grady, the house caretaker. It isn't long before Michael's brother John and his lady-friend Annabel show up. And then Thomas, the third triplet, rolls up with his rowdy posse of fraternity brothers; Russ, Kevin, and Ian. 

While Thomas and his crew parties, Michael and John both become concerned about Deborah and Harrison's whereabouts. As they investigate the house, they discover the truth about their father. But the phones are down, and everyone's cell phones have mysteriously disappeared. And soon, people start disappearing as well.

SPOILERS: But here's the twist - Michael and Hudson discover that James actually committed suicide shortly after being released from the hospital. When they try to find Thomas and John to relay the information about their biological father, they discover a tool-shed filled with mutilated bodies. As it turns out, Thomas has taken up daddy's homicidal ways after hearing about his real past and what happened to James. And now, Michael and Hudson have to find any survivors and escape the new mutilator - Thomas! 

The Gore

As mentioned, this movie is all about the red-stuff. We're talking about serious carnage. To do this, the villain - good ol' daddy James - needs to be pretty much inhumane. He needs to get the sick enjoyment out of his mutilations that real-life serial killers do. Make it scary, intense, and graphic. But not over-the-top and humorous like HATCHET, but really intense and, at times, sick.

When people buy tickets to a movie called The Mutilator, they know what they're getting themselves into. But the movie needs to exceed their expectations. If they're expecting some goofy gory fun like Hatchet, give them I Saw the Devil and make them squirm in their seats.

The Characters 

Michael Cooper. Male, 20. Good looking with a quiet, sensitive lack of confidence. Dedicated and smart.

John Cooper. Male, 20. Athletic and handsome. A genuine and logical guy. He makes sure those he cares about are taken care of. Just a really great guy. 

Thomas Cooper. Male, 20. The rowdy, careless, rebellious Alpha-Male. He doesn’t mind pushing his brother’s around. Has a lot of attitude. 

Hudson. Female, 20. Michael’s fun, energetic girlfriend. Pretty, athletic, youthful, and adventurous. 

Anabell. Female, 20. John’s ultra-sexy girlfriend. An attractive college girl, although a little bit bitchy and conceded. 

Russ. Male, 20. Thomas’ sex-starved roommate. Funny and always horny. He’ll make a move on any girl he deems “worth it.” 

Kevin. Male, 20. Thomas’ football star best friend. Black. Good-looking and funny, with a ripped body. An athlete. He’s used to getting what he wants. 

Ian. Male, 20. Thomas’ chubby buddy. Technological and kind of a geek. His friends suspect he’s a virgin, but he swears he’s not.

Harrison Cooper. Male, 40s. The triplet's uncle and adoptive father. Casual and calm. A guy who made it rich easily.

Deborah Cooper. Female, 40s. The triplet's aunt and adoptive mother. Hospitable and caring. She worries about the triplets more than anything.

Grady. Male, 60s. Black. The Cooper’s beach house caretaker. Cool and funny - he was probably the man in the 70s. He knows about the triplet’s brutal past. 

James Degrutte. Male, 40s. The triplet's maniac, biological father. He tried to kill them once, and will try again... and again... and again...

Final Thoughts

1985's The Mutilator is by no means a good movie. It's not even a good slasher movie, and if it weren't for the gore the film wouldn't have any fanbase. But there were some decent ideas in The Mutilator, and its a shame to let it go to waste with the schlocky, tasteless original. Now that makes The Mutilator a very worthy film for a remake. 

Just think, after all the movies that have surpassed The Mutilator in terms of nastiness, it's time to give the mean daddy another shot at slicing and dicing. And with today's technologies, nothing can be left to the imagination. Who needs an R-rating? Just skip the semantics and give us the Uncut remake.

10 Slashers That Could Benefit from a Remake: FUTURE KILL (1985)

Now that we're well into 2012, something has occurred to me: it's the first year in a decade that has no slasher remakes scheduled for release. While the remakes have swooned the box office with usual great success, very few horror film movements have drawn up as much protest as the dreaded remake craze did.

It's pretty obvious, looking back, as to how studios and producers chose which slashers were deemed worth remaking - they were the slashers that were original moneymakers upon their original release. HALLOWEEN, THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, FRIDAY THE 13TH, PROM NIGHT, THE HILLS HAVE EYES, and A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET were all monster successes and pop-culture phenomenon's. Even more cult-y slashers like BLACK CHRISTMAS and MY BLOODY VALENTINE had earned a solid enough reputation to guarantee a solid fanbase.

But when you really think about it, doesn't the thought of remaking more well-known slasher films seem to sort of juxtapose what a remake stands for? Shouldn't they be remaking films that are less-known and more dated, to bring them to a modern-day audience? While 2012 might not have any remakes on its schedule, I can guarantee you that a second wave of remakes will eventually come along. But when it does, it should be focusing its efforts on the movies that actually could benefit from a redo. As we take a break from remakes in theaters, here's the ten suggestions for films to consider a redux for, and ways to take the original movie and make it fresh and modern without spitting in the face of the original's fans (here's looking at you, Rob Zombie!).

05. FUTURE KILL

The mid-80's were filled with a lot weird movies. And Future Kill is definitely the peak of weirdness. Just look at the trailer. While an initial box office disappointment, the film gained cult status largely due to several cast members from the original The Texas Chain Saw Massacre starring, and also because of its cool poster art by famed artist H.R. Giger. The movie attempted to mesh comedy, science fiction, fantasy, and horror, but only succeeded in the comedy aspect, largely due to the outrageous costumes and make-up.

The plot of Future Kill revolves around a crazed toxic waste protester-turned-inner-city gang leader named Splatter, who leads his gang members on a hunt for fraternity brothers that he accuses murdering the gang's original leader. It sounds like it should be a sequel to THE WARRIORS, right? Well, it's more like a parody of The Warriors, and ultimately not even a good parody. 

While The Warriors remains a cult classic that should not be charged with a remake, the idea of revamping Future Kill into being more of a science fiction slasher with better effects and less drag-queen college kids is actually an interesting idea. Think about it - combining themes from the 1985 original Future Kill, The Warriors, THE ROAD WARRIOR, and ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, a really cool 80's movie extravaganza would have new life!

The Concept

It's not that the concept of Future Kill was bad, it's just that it wasn't executed well. As mentioned, the movie should have been similar to 1979's The Warriors, and for all intents and purposes we can assume that at first it was supposed to be like The Warriors. So for the remake, it would be wise to examine The Warriors.

The main difference between The Warriors and Future Kill is that the protagonists of The Warriors is a gang trying to get through New York to back to their home turf on Coney Island, but in Future Kill the protagonists are several annoying frat brothers. While making the protagonists frat bro's instead of gang members increases the tension, there also needs to be a better explanation to how these kids manage to battle the gang, and why they are even on gang territory to begin with.

Future Kill's "frat bro's versus gang members in a dystrophic future" plot can work in a remake. And the force that drives the plot - the fraternity brothers trying to escape certain death at the hands of the sadistic gang members - must remain the same.

But there are tons of things that can be redone in a newer version of Future Kill. The most obvious change is the fraternity brothers themselves, who were an unlikable cadre of morons in the 1985 original. Here, this group needs to retain their brotherly love but also become more dangerous as survival mode kicks in. With each increasing attack from the gang and death among the group, these college boys start to want the gang's blood just as much as the gang wants theirs. By the end of the movie, who are the savages? This very similar to The Hills Have Eyes' theme.

But how do these simple-minded college boys come into contact with the evil gang members to start? In the original, they played a prank on the gang and kidnapped their leader. This was where the movie immediately went sour; not only are the kids incredibly dumb for kidnapping a gang leader, but the gang itself seems corny if their leader can be so easily captured. The remake must start with escalation - the gang messes with the college boys, then the college boys mess with the gang in revenge, and then all hell breaks loose and the college boys are trapped in the gang's territory. Why not make the college boys apart of some protest, or some college-sponsored organization to clean up the city?

The film's main antagonist, Splatter, must remain. In the remake, Splatter must be responsible for killing the gang leader, and pinning the crime on the scapegoat college kids. You see, now Splatter is the gang leader, and he can run the gang however he wants. Of course, with a name like Splatter you would expect a lot of gore at his hands, so Splatter's idea of managing a gang includes terrorizing and killing other gang members and citizens.

Ultimately, a remake of Future Kill should be a symphony of 80's post-apocalyptic homages, but with action and style over comedy and corniness. The heroes need to be likable, and the all-male cast should lead to a testosterone-fueled thrill ride that leads to blood, murder, and mayhem. Get ready for the future of Future Kill.

The Plot

The boys of Sigma Phi are known around campus for being OLD SCHOOL-kinds of college kids. They are like ANIMAL HOUSE. Or any other famous college fraternity-set raunchy comedy. They drink, they smoke, they bang girls, and the party. For most of them, classes come second to having a great time. But when they push their campus too far with a huge party, those frat brothers responsible are forced to participate in... community service.

As part of an inner-city rejuvenation plan, the frat brothers are forced to help "clean up the streets," by both literally cleaning and by educating inner-city children on the importance of school, grades, sports, etc. But it isn't long before they wander off course, and as everyone knows, "When night sets, you don't want to be around..."

On the other side of the law we have the Mutants, a fraternity of their own: a ruthless gang fighting for power on the streets. One of the Mutant members, Splatter, believes that their leader, King Louise, is betraying them. Secretly, Louise is working with the city government to help rebuild the city. Louise fears that some of his gang members, including Splatter, have lost touch with the Mutant's original message - to rid the city of toxic wastes.

It isn't long before the fraternity brothers and the mutants have their first run in, where the Mutants taunt the boys. And in retaliation, the boys pull a prank on the Mutants. After pulling the prank, the boys run back to their bus, thinking they've made is home free - but the bus has left without them! Now, stranded on the savage streets, they boys must outwit the mutants!

While hiding out, the boys witness an argument between King Louise and Splatter, which results in Splatter killing Louise. And when Splatter realizes that the boys witnessed the whole thing, he pins the murder on them. Now with an angry mob of Mutants chasing them through the streets - with vengeance on the brain - the boys of Sigma Phi must kill to live, or plan to die!

The Action

A remake of Future Kill would have to be a thrill ride from start to finish. The beginning could borrow from said comedy classics like Animal House and Old School to introduce the fraternity brothers, but then once the boys hit the streets and meet the mutants, this should become a combination of STREETS ON FIRE, The Warriors, The Road Warrior, Escape from New York, and The Hills Have Eyes. We're talking about an all out war!

The film would have to be violent, and both sides would suffer from substantial losses. The movie's focus on the bond between the fraternity brothers would mirror the bond of the Mutant gang, so with each death things would only escalate into more fury. Of course, in the end of the movie where the lead fraternity brother faces off against Splatter in a one-on-one showdown, it would be no-holds barred; neither side has anything left to lose, but everything to gain from one more kill.

The Characters

Conrad. Male, 22. Handsome and strong in an athletic, all-American way. Not really the smartest, but lovable in a goofy, dopy way. Despite his flaws, he is the type of guy who will do whatever it takes to protect those he cares about.

Kane. Male, 23. The President of his Sigma Phi chapter. He's shorter and older than the rest, with leathery skin from too much tanning and beard he tries to make work but really doesn't. Suffers from a Napoleon complex.

Joey. Male, 22. This is the guy who organizes and throws the parties - he knows how to have a good time. He's rowdy by nature, but always gets the girls. There aren't many nights when you won't find him rolling on Ecstasy.

Byrnes. Male, 22. Privileged and extremely rich college boy. He's attractive, but his cockiness kills it. He's a total bro, and often comes off as a douchebag. Best friends with Conrad.

Rooney. Male, 20. The youngest of the Sigma Pie members. He's shy and naive, choosing to be more friendly and gentle than rowdy and raucous. He likes to have a good time, and gets drunk very easily. 

Colin. Male, 20. Cool and relaxed Sigma Pie member. He kind of floats through life and loves it. The type of kid who never really had to worry about anything. Funny and cool. One of the nicest kids you'll ever meet. 

Splatter. Male, 30s. The manipulative, sneaky, and evil Mutant who wants to be the leader of the gang. He ultimately yearns for power, and wants the Mutants to take over the city. He is obviously insane, but also calculating and sinister. 

Pain. Male, 30s. The squirly, twisted Mutant and right hand man to Splatter. He gets a sick pleasure out of others pain. There are definitely hints that he has sexual fantasies about torture. 

Charcoal. Male, 30s. Black. Huge, massive, mean, dominating Mutant. What he lacks for in speech he makes up for in pure massive intimidation. Half his face is horribly scarred from an acid burn. 

Shark Tooth. Male, 40s. A derelict that King Louise banished from the gang, who now lives amongst the hobos of the city. He has sharp, constantly bleeding teeth, and is known for cannibalism. A true creep. 

Vulture. Male, 40s. Smart, meth-head doctor who works for the Mutants. Back when he had a medical license he was nicknamed "Dr. Death". Aside from his medical skills, he is also an expert in torture and pain. 

King Louise. Male, 40s. Leader of the Mutants. After years of working against the law, Louise wants to see a change - he believes that his club has lost focus of what it originally stood for. He is murdered by Splatter.

Final Thoughts

Movies that should be remade are movie that had cool concepts but poor execution. Future Kill is one of those movies, and a remake would be an interesting adventure. There really isn't anywhere to go but up from the 1985 original, so there's nothing to lose in a remake attempt. 

Making more likable protagonists and giving the story more of an edge would make Future Kill more appealing. The 80's were filled with tons of post-apocalyptic thrillers, and they've been starting to make a comeback in recent years. Why should Future Kill be excluded?

10 Slashers That Could Benefit from a Remake: HUMONGOUS (1982)

Now that we're well into 2012, something has occurred to me: it's the first year in a decade that has no slasher remakes scheduled for release. While the remakes have swooned the box office with usual great success, very few horror film movements have drawn up as much protest as the dreaded remake craze did.

It's pretty obvious, looking back, as to how studios and producers chose which slashers were deemed worth remaking - they were the slashers that were original moneymakers upon their original release. HALLOWEEN, THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, FRIDAY THE 13TH, PROM NIGHT, THE HILLS HAVE EYES, and A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET were all monster successes and pop-culture phenomenon's. Even more cult-y slashers like BLACK CHRISTMAS and MY BLOODY VALENTINE had earned a solid enough reputation to guarantee a solid fanbase.

But when you really think about it, doesn't the thought of remaking more well-known slasher films seem to sort of juxtapose what a remake stands for? Shouldn't they be remaking films that are less-known and more dated, to bring them to a modern-day audience? While 2012 might not have any remakes on its schedule, I can guarantee you that a second wave of remakes will eventually come along. But when it does, it should be focusing its efforts on the movies that actually could benefit from a redo. As we take a break from remakes in theaters, here's the ten suggestions for films to consider a redux for, and ways to take the original movie and make it fresh and modern without spitting in the face of the original's fans (here's looking at you, Rob Zombie!).

06. HUMONGOUS 

Director Paul Lynch, who helmed 1980's surprise hit Prom Night, followed-up two years later with another, different slasher flick. While Prom Night was a teenage high school whodunit, his 1982 venture Humongous was a backwoods survivalist slasher with a monstrous killer. Ultimately, Humongous was far less successful than Prom Night, and Lynch's career took a dive out of horror movies into a rather successful and long-running TV-directing run. 

Humongous took place on the doomed "Dog Island", where a virginal young woman was raped, but then with the help of her vicious German shepherds she killed her attacker. Years later, "Dog Island" is abandoned, with the exception of some wild dogs. A group of teens become shipwrecked and stranded on the island. Little do they know that the child of the rape has grown up into a savage monster with a taste for blood.

Concept

There is something about the concept of Humongous that is quite appealing - the adventure of battling a monster while stranded on a strange island. But as anyone who has seen the film knows, there isn't much adventure. Instead, its a poorly lit and rather uneventful flick that fails to offer the excitement that its premise eludes to. Honestly, when the title is "Humongous" and the term "shipwrecked" is in the plot description, you'd expecting something a little... bigger.

Adventure is necessary in a Humongous remake - a grand, explosive horror epic with a real monster (not some deformed moron) taking out island intruders. Epic is what Humongous needs to be. It reminds me of the story of the Minotaur: the half-man, half-bull demigod who battled Theseus on the Island of Crete. Wouldn't a 300-style, IMMORTALS-inspired slasher set in Ancient Greece be simply the best?

In the Humongous remake, it would focus on a monster on the fictional "Dog Island" terrorizing a group of shipwrecked people. Just imagine the gory 300  violence tossed into a brutal slasher flick - it's like a movie geek's wet dream. And now, after the mega-successes of 300 and Immortals, is the time to do it. I mean, if you're going to make Humongous, you've got to be "humongous."

To put a spin on things, the shipwrecked folks should not be some privileged teens from Athens or something, but they should be deadly pirates that have kidnapped a trio of beautiful virgins from a simple Spartan village to take as their captive slaves/brides. A storm at the hands of Poseidon leaves the pirates and their captives stranded on the mythical "Dog Island", where they hear the howling of savage dogs. The only problem is, they never actually see any dogs. Not living ones, anyway.

While the captive girls attempt to escape the pirates, and everyone who's stranded slowly begins to realize that a monster of some kind is hunting them, there needs to be some kind of hero to battle the monster. In steps a warrior, straight out of the Trojan Wars, who has set out to rescue his kidnapped bride. It's like THE PRINCESS BRIDE, only a gruesome slasher flick. But will the heroic warrior arrive in time to save his bride not only from the lethal pirates, but also from the monster?

And speaking of the monster... he needs to be pretty humongous. Like a real beastly monster. And his back-story needs a little tune-up, to make him less of a Jason Voorhees impersonator and more of his own beast. In this version, some fantasy would be taken into account with the monster's origins. His mother would be the equivalent to a witch: an evil priestess to Hades who was banished by Zeus to Dog Island, where he sent the worst criminals of Greece. There she is repeatedly raped by ghoulish villains, eventually becoming pregnant and giving birth to the hideously deformed child that would become the monster. The monster killed everyone else on the island except for himself and his mother. When she eventually died, he was left as the savage guardian of Dog Island.

Plot

The film would start out with the pirate Draco and his band of bloodthirsty pirates kidnapping two beautiful women from the small Spartan village Kyparissi. These women are the beautiful Areti, whose looks could "outshine 1000 sunsets," and her companion Theodora, who lost her lover in the Trojan War. Draco and his men believe that the beautiful women will be worth quite a price, and even if they can't sell them the pirates will certainly find uses for them.

The pirates and their prisoners sail out into Aegean Sea. But in their travels, a vicious storm leaves them shipwrecked, and most of the crew dead. The only survivors are Draco, Areti, Theodora, the slave Danae, and Draco's three men Pyrrhus, Cleon, and Sophus. They take refuge on the nearest island, which just so happens to be Dog Island. 

While the girls all plan an escape, the pirates begin to notice that something isn't right about the island - they hear a howling dog, but have yet to see any animals at all. They know something isn't right. While out hunting for food, Cleon is killed by something. Literally torn apart, limb from limb. His raw flesh is feasted upon. The girls use his death as a chance to escape into the thick forest of the island. Soon, Draco and his men are hunting down the women, and whatever beast they fear wants them for food.

Meanwhile, back in Kyparissi, the honored Spartan Warrior Callias returns home from the Trojan War to some bad news - he was betrothed to Areti, and when he learns she has been kidnapped, he consults a local seer for information on her whereabouts. He is told she is on Dog Island, but is warned that there are worse things hunting her than the pirates. The Dog Monster stalks the island - it is the son of a cursed priestess and 100 rapists (yes, just like Freddy), and its own doomed curse is to guard Dog Island. 

Now, Callias has to travel to Dog Island to rescue his beloved Areti. As he ventures out into the Aegean Sea, things heat up on the island. Areti, Theodora, and Danae must outsmart Draco and his remaining men long enough for Callias to reach them. But once Callias does reach them, he will have to fight his greatest enemy yet: the Dog Island Monster!

The Adventure

The Humongous redux is both a horror movie and an adventure movie. It is a slasher movie where characters are targeted and killed by a mysterious single killer, but an adventure story in its setting and themes. In honesty, the 1982 original Humongous really wanted to be an adventure movie, but it turned into a rather bland slasher film. Maybe it was budgetary constraints, or poor writing and acting, or just a lack of creativity. But whatever it was, Humongous did not really add anything unique to the slasher genre.

On the flip side, the remake has the perfect opportunity to make itself epic - a huge spectacle of monster movie madness, ancient action, and modern day gore. Not only would the story allow for cool sequences featuring the Dog Island Monster tearing people apart, but it would also grant the opportunity to the film's hero, Callias, to become a certified badass. The grand finale where the monster and the hero face off would be well worth the wait. 

Plus, in this version, you would have to actually see what's happening. The original was so dark and poorly lit that it was hard to follow the characters or story. And the deaths would be gruesomely fantastic (no one would just die from getting thrown onto some rocks). 

The Characters

Callias. Male, 30s. Honored, revered Spartan Warrior who fought in Troy. Is very skilled with a bow-and-arrow and a spear. Ripped and muscular and extremely handsome; looks like a Greek god. Will risk his life for his country and his love.

Dog Island Monster. Male, 30s. Disgusting creature. Big and hairy... a mix between a human and a wolf. Has a taste for human flesh. Was raised on the principle of evil and hate. 

Areti. Female, 20s. Callias’ bride-to-be. Stunningly beautiful - a magnificent sight. Rivals Helen of Troy’s beauty. Virginal, and passionately in love with Callias. She would sooner die than betray him.

Draco. Male, 40s. Ruthless, intelligent, and feared pirate. He once fought with the Persian Army, but became a rogue pirate. He’s pretty skilled with a blade. He believes that when he covets something, it should be his. And he covets Areti.

Pyrrhus. Male, 40s. A wanted criminal responsible for slaying entire villages and a rapist. He joined Draco’s league of pirates, and quickly became his right-hand man. He’s missing an eye, but retains his sadistic style. 

Cleon. Male, 30s. A pirate in Draco’s army who would do anything to please his master. Somewhat of a buffoon, but still dangerous. He was rejected from the Spartan Army, and became a criminal as a result. 

Sophus. Male, 20s. A young, upstart career criminal working for Draco. His father was once among Draco’s ranks, and he plans to follow in his footsteps. One of the better looking pirates with a bit of charm. 

Theodora. Female, 20s. Shy and sensitive friend of Areti, she was also kidnapped by the pirates. Her husband was killed in Troy. She does not rank with Areti’s beauty, but is still stunning. 

Danae. Female, 20s. Raven-haired, exotic, and beautiful foreign girl who was kidnapped by Draco a while ago, and has been his slave ever since. She has a vengeful side and the wits to survive, when the time is right. She allies herself Areti. 

The Witch. Female, 40s. The Monster’s cursed mother. A Priestess of Hades, she was banished to Dog Island by Zeus, and it was there years ago that she was repeatedly raped by the worst criminals in Greece. 

Final Thoughts

A slasher film set in ancient times has never been done. At least, I can't think of one. But ancient myths and slashers have a lot in common - they both are built around sins of the past coming back to punish the characters of the present. Setting a slasher film in ancient times would not only be unique, but it could lead to a potentially riveting new sub-genre... just imagine all the places a slasher could take place - Rome, China, Medieval Times, the Renaissance, the Age of Exploration, the Civil War... the possibilities are truly endless.

The original Humongous is lacking severely. Even thirty years ago, when it was first released, the film probably was too cheesy and poorly made to really retain any audience, and that's why Humongous did not gain a cult audience like Prom Night or any of the other countless slasher fans. But at the core of its plot, Humongous is aching for a chance to really show slasher fans what its made of. And give them a blood-soaked epic adventure in the process. 

10 Slashers That Could Benefit from a Remake: THE ZERO BOYS (1986)

Now that we're well into 2012, something has occurred to me: it's the first year in a decade that has no slasher remakes scheduled for release. While the remakes have swooned the box office with usual great success, very few horror film movements have drawn up as much protest as the dreaded remake craze did.

It's pretty obvious, looking back, as to how studios and producers chose which slashers were deemed worth remaking - they were the slashers that were original moneymakers upon their original release. HALLOWEEN, THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, FRIDAY THE 13TH, PROM NIGHT, THE HILLS HAVE EYES, and A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET were all monster successes and pop-culture phenomenon's. Even more cult-y slashers like BLACK CHRISTMAS and MY BLOODY VALENTINE had earned a solid enough reputation to guarantee a solid fanbase.

But when you really think about it, doesn't the thought of remaking more well-known slasher films seem to sort of juxtapose what a remake stands for? Shouldn't they be remaking films that are less-known and more dated, to bring them to a modern-day audience? While 2012 might not have any remakes on its schedule, I can guarantee you that a second wave of remakes will eventually come along. But when it does, it should be focusing its efforts on the movies that actually could benefit from a redo. As we take a break from remakes in theaters, here's the ten suggestions for films to consider a redux for, and ways to take the original movie and make it fresh and modern without spitting in the face of the original's fans (here's looking at you, Rob Zombie!).

07. THE ZERO BOYS

After winning a paint-balling tournament, three buddies take their respective girlfriends on a trek into the wilderness for some R&R. Upon their arrival, strange things start happening, and soon they find themselves at the center of a psychopath's twisted entertainment. But once the girls fall into danger, the men must use their skills to defeat the villains and get their ladies to safety!

1986's The Zero Boys is a movie with identity issues, trying to be a backwoods slasher, a parody, a buddy film, and an action flick all in one. While The Zero Boys certainly infuses elements from all of these genres, it never really commits to any of them, making the film less interesting than what it deserves to be. What starts as a fun idea about city boys showing their manhood by saving their girlfriends from crazed backwoodsmen, became a movie that never followed through on its promises. Because of that, The Zero Boys suffers and has become excruciatingly dated. With a great idea but a movie that has failed the test of time, The Zero Boys is the perfect film to get targeted for a remake.

The Concept

The Zero Boys is a movie that misses its mark - as mentioned, it never really commits to anything, including its theme. What is the story of The Zero Boys really about? These dudes are already paint-ball experts, so they don't need to prove anything to their girlfriends. They are already the closest of friends, so they don't need to prove anything to each other. Ultimately, what is being tested in our three protagonists when they are attacked?

Three summers ago, there was another movie about three men being tested that was released and became a worldwide phenomenon: THE HANGOVER. What drove The Hangover to a greatness that The Zero Boys needs to achieve was that the protagonists were put in a situation that they were not ready for. So in The Zero Boys remake, the three "Zero Boys" need to be in a situation that they, too, are not prepared for.

One of the best horror films recently released was TUCKER & DALE VS. EVIL. That movie certainly had gruesome death scenes and laugh-out-loud moments, but it also had heart. That is what The Zero Boys needs - heart. We need our characters to learn something while they try to rescue their girlfriends from the villainous backwoodsmen. The best course of action would be to have them learn a life lesson and discover something about themselves, while also making a statement on society. Tucker & Dale taught us that miscommunication leads to most problems. What can The Zero Boys teach us?

The answer lies in the friendship of the three main characters. Unlike the 1986 original, the remake cannot have these guys start out as studs and winners. They need to earn it. These are the underdogs of their paint-ball league who never win. But when it really counts, they pull through and work together. While working together to save their girlfriends from the hillbilly clan that kidnapped them, these guys need to work out their differences among each other - problems in the trio's relationship that have gone unspoken for too long. But in life or death, everything comes out.

Still, The Zero Boys is a comedy-horror hybrid. Flat out. And while our three leads must have funny mishaps occur, our villains should be equally as laughable. These villains give the film a chance to parody what the original movie attempted to parody, but couldn't figure out a way to successfully do so. The villains need to be picked out of backwoods hillbilly clichés; the toothless one, the fat one, and even the lesbian farmer lady. What these guys do is horrible and gruesome, but ultimately they are just as over-the-top as our heroes. 

The Plot

A paint-balling tournament opens the film, just like the original film, only this time our protagonists are not the victors. They lose when chubby, bumbling fool Zach can't figure out how to turn off the gun's safety mechanism, and the nerdy pacifist Ed freezes and gets shot. The team's handsome leader, Brad, contemplates taking up the rival team's offer to ditch Zach and Ed and join their team.

Brad has just started dating a girl named Rose - she's extremely hot, but also quite shallow. She doesn't approve of his friends, but he swears they're okay. In a last-ditch effort to prove they're cool guys, Brad takes Rose on a camping weekend in the woods with Zach, Ed, and Ed's fiancé Maya. From the start, minor mishaps occur, and Rose immediately wants to go home.

To give Rose some space, Brad takes Ed and Zach out fishing, leaving Maya to watch over Rose at the cabin. Rose and Maya go on a hike, and come across what looks like a campsite. When they discover the mutilated bodies of several men, the girls scream and run for help, but are ambushed and kidnapped by three hillbilly freaks; the skinny Byter, the obese Gutso, and the lesbian Ida.

It isn't long before Brad, Ed, and Zach realize that something isn't right, and they go looking for the girls. Eventually, the men are attacked by the hillbillies, but manage to survive. They are stranded in the woods, and need to find a way to save their girlfriends. It's time for these "zero boys" (nicknamed after their number of paint-ball wins) to man up and work together.

A lot of humor and action takes place, with explosions and gunfights. A starving hillbilly girl named Merry Kat - who is shunned by her evil family of hillbillies for being too gentle - assists the boys and explains her family's plot: the leader of the hillbillies is the father, Vachel, who has his kids kidnap beautiful young women and kill any men. They take the women back to their house in the woods, where they impregnate them and force them to live until the baby is born. Then they kill them in a very "THE HILLS HAVE EYES II-style."

Each of the boys get to take on one of the three hillbillies in a test of wits, where they ultimately overcome whatever problem is holding them back. Zach battles Ida, and is resourceful enough to kill her. Ed takes on Byter, facing the danger head on and not freezing to fire his gun, killing him. Brad takes on Gutso, and at first gets his ass handed to him but is able to muster up the courage and self-confidence to kill Gutso. The Zero Boys then find Maya and Rose, and escape from Vachel with an explosive finale.

Months later, Brad has chosen to stay with the Zero Boys, and they have become a winning paint-balling team. Their traumatic experience has helped them grow closer as friends. Brad has dumped the bitchy Rose, and is enjoying life as a single man. Ed is about to get married to Maya, and is proud to be her protective man. And Zach has his own girlfriend: Merry Kat, who has come to live with him.

The Gore

Yes, The Zero Boys would be violent, although like Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil, the violence would not overshadow the film. The villains would all have to die pretty gruesome deaths at the hands of our heroes. The discovery of the massacred campsite also would have some cool corpse gore. And let's not forget - the women from the massacred campsite need to get killed in some kind of escape attempt that Maya and Rose survive. 

The movie's tone must be comedic. There has to be action and explosions that are over-the-top, in honor of the 1986 original, and the gory death scenes need to have a punch line where the audience is given the chance to laugh. Some suspense could suffice, but the movie has to funny and entertaining. 

The Characters

Brad Phillips. Male, Late 20s. The Alpha-Male. Handsome and charismatic. He's beginning to think that he's outgrown his group of friends.

Ed Stuart. Male, Late 20s. Nerdy but successful dermatologist. The wimp of the group. He always seems to freeze when it counts. 

Zach Angus. Male, Late 20s. Chubby, bumbling geek, although his heart is in the right place. He lives in the past, never really haven grown up.

Rose. Female, 20s. Bradley’s super-sexy and often shallow girlfriend. He's just started dating her, and she's a bit of a bitch. She doesn't like his friends... at all.

Maya. Female, 20s. Ed’s fiancé. She's super funny and cute. Not the typical "hot girl", but she makes it work with Ed. 

Byter. Male, 20s. Skinny, ill-looking toothless hillbilly son to Vachel. Presumably the youngest in the hillbilly family. He wears oversized overalls and carries a machete. 

Gutso. Male, Late 20s. Extremely fat, huge, hulking hillbilly with no brains. This guy would eat anything - literally. He uses his massive hands to kill.

Merry Kat. Female, Late Teens. The only member of the hillbilly family with a conscious. She's kind of like the outcast of her clan. She befriends Maya, and wants to help her escape.

Vachel. Male, 40s. The leader of the hillbilly family. He’s been illegally making moonshine for decades. His children are from different unfortunate women, who he quickly disposed of after childbirth. 

Ida. Female, 30s. Gross, boyish lesbian hillbilly and oldest child to Vachel. She was raised like a man and thinks like a man. Her weapon of choice is an axe.

Final Thoughts

A remake of The Zero Boys would not just be an homage to the 1986 original, but to backwoods slasher films of all kinds - JUST BEFORE DAWN, MOTHER'S DAY, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, WRONG TURN, and THE HILLS HAVE EYES are the obvious references. This is about those poor unfortunate boyfriends of the pretty heroines finally getting their chance to shine and become the heroes, not matter how dopey they are.

With some impressive action, nice gore, and of course laugh-out-loud sequences, The Zero Boys could be called "The Hangover of horror." And couldn't you just see the three lead roles going to some young Hollywood dudes? Like Channing Tatum as Brad, Michael Cera as Ed, and Jonah Hill as Zach? It's already got Blockbuster written all over it.

10 Slashers That Could Benefit from a Remake: X-RAY (1982)

Now that we're well into 2012, something has occurred to me: it's the first year in a decade that has no slasher remakes scheduled for release. While the remakes have swooned the box office with usual great success, very few horror film movements have drawn up as much protest as the dreaded remake craze did.

It's pretty obvious, looking back, as to how studios and producers chose which slashers were deemed worth remaking - they were the slashers that were original moneymakers upon their original release. HALLOWEEN, THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, FRIDAY THE 13TH, PROM NIGHT, THE HILLS HAVE EYES, and A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET were all monster successes and pop-culture phenomenon's. Even more cult-y slashers like BLACK CHRISTMAS and MY BLOODY VALENTINE had earned a solid enough reputation to guarantee a solid fanbase.

But when you really think about it, doesn't the thought of remaking more well-known slasher films seem to sort of juxtapose what a remake stands for? Shouldn't they be remaking films that are less-known and more dated, to bring them to a modern-day audience? While 2012 might not have any remakes on its schedule, I can guarantee you that a second wave of remakes will eventually come along. But when it does, it should be focusing its efforts on the movies that actually could benefit from a redo. As we take a break from remakes in theaters, here's the ten suggestions for films to consider a redux for, and ways to take the original movie and make it fresh and modern without spitting in the face of the original's fans (here's looking at you, Rob Zombie!).

08. X-RAY

In 1981, HALLOWEEN II exploded onto the scene. It was set in the eerie corridors of a hospital - a place that represents pain and death. This proved quite successful, and the following year two separate slashers attempted their take the hospital setting: VISITING HOURS and Hospital Massacre (also known as X-Ray in some versions). While Visiting Hours has a unique story, it was criticized for its misogynistic undertones. Hospital Massacre, on the other hand, was basically a carbon-copy of Halloween II, without Michael Myers, Laurie Strode, Dr. Loomis, or any of the key Halloween players.

While Hospital Massacre was not a huge hit (and still is without any plans of a DVD release, as of 2012), the film is not without its silly slasher charms.To start, it has one of the hottest heroines of any slasher: the beautiful Barbi Benton (and yes, she is topless in the film). You would think that Benton - who was one of the more successful "Playboy" models of the era, could have escalated Hospital Massacre's status to that of at least a solid cult classic (I mean MADMAN and THE DORM THAT DRIPPED BLOOD did it without any notable stars!). 

The movie zeroes in on Benton's character, a divorcee who goes to a Los Angeles hospital for a routine exam. But a series of circumstances delay Benton's exam, and she unknowingly is stalked by a maniac dressed as a doctor, who is killing off the staff associated with her. You see, this madman is the psychotic Harold, who killed Benton's childhood friend 19-years earlier out of jealousy on Valentine's Day, and now he's back to finish her off!

The Concept 

Okay, to start off, let's change the title from Hospital Massacre to X-Ray. You see, Hospital Massacre sounds too retro, and to a modern audience it will lead to the conclusion that the film is unoriginal. The 1982 Hospital Massacre was unoriginal, although fun. But the remake needs to be a little edgier, meaning X-Ray is a better-suited title.

Now, the reason that Hospital Massacre is so terribly dated is because you know who the killer is, you know his motive, and you basically know the entire movie before even seeing it. To make it more modern you have to think, "Why would anyone pay money to see this movie?" Well, you have your slasher fans, sure. But even they get tired of the common redundancy.

Now I will usually say that a good slasher needs something from the past to come back and give the killer a reason to attack the people of the present. But in X-Ray, you don't really need it. The beauty of X-Ray could be that it's the start! And maybe - just maybe - X-Ray doesn't need to be some huge gore-fest, but rather a smarter mystery that teeters between thriller and slasher.

I'm going to go out on a huge limb here, and basically change around the plot of the original movie. This might anger some, but the heart of the film is the same - someone with a Valentine's Day grudge has come to the hospital to murder a beautiful woman. Only this time, the red herrings are plentiful and the audience really doesn't know who the killer is.

That's the beauty of it. And to pay respects to 1982's other hospital horror, Visiting Hours, the main character should be put in the hospital by an attempted murder; she shouldn't just get stranded there through idiotic mishaps. To add suspense to the main part of X-Ray, our heroine is unconscious throughout most of the movie, recovering from her attack, while the madman tries to get to her to finish her off, and ends up offing a whole bunch of hospital employees in the process.

The Plot

The story begins on an icy Valentine's Day in a suburban area. The beautiful model Susan Jeremy is driving home, when her car is attacked and run off the road by a maniac driver. Susan's car crashes into an icy lake, and the maniac drives off thinking she's dead... but  Susan manages to survive certain death, and escapes her sinking car to pass out in the snow. She is soon rescued by paramedics, and brought to the nearby hospital, where the real fun begins...

While doctors try to save Susan's life, her best friend and fellow model Barbi (yes, an homage) arrives to see that she's okay. When Barbi learns that Susan was run off the road, she begins to suspect that Susan is still not safe. And soon, the hospital staff starts thinning out, and Barbi's fears are starting to come true.

But who could want Susan dead? And who could go to such desperate measures to do so? Could it be Susan's shady ex-boyfriend, who was recently released from rehab? Or her sleazy photographer, who is known for taking advantage of his models? Or her greedy agent, who wants to exploit Susan? Or possibly her vindictive, estranged father, who has a long history with Susan? Or could it be someone else entirely? 

When everyone ignores Barbi's warnings, she takes it upon herself to investigate, ultimately getting herself deeper into the dangerous mystery, and quickly becoming the prime target on the psychopath's chopping block! To protect Susan, Barbi must outsmart a killer and evade them in the complex corridors of the hospital psyche ward, surgical wing, and recover rooms! 

The Mystery

X-Ray is a slasher film, and needs to have a few deaths, but this should not be a body count movie. Only a few painful killings are necessary, as the focus of the story needs to be on the mystery - who is the maniac? 

But still, at the end of the day X-Ray will be considered a slasher flick, and needs to have a few creative and bloody kills. Things can get pretty creative in a hospital, but there are certain musts here; a surgical saw of some kind, a scalpel, and some kind of malfunction with the x-ray machine to honor the film's title (perhaps the brutal "x-ray" death can be saved for the killer's demise). 

Oh, and yes, there would need to be a few boob shots, just in honor of the original. So at the end of the day, X-Ray would strive to be classier than it really can allow itself to be. Still, trash can smart, can't it? So why not deliver a complex, giallo-style murder mystery with a few good murders and a few token tit shots?

The Characters

Barbi Branden. Female, Mid 20s. Beautiful, raven-haired, exotic model. She's smart and sophisticated, having been raised in wealth. But you'd never know it; she's humble and generous. Best friends with Susan - these two are like sisters.

Susan Jeremy. Female, Mid 20s. Gorgeous, slender, blonde bombshell model. She came from nothing and eventually rose to the top of the modeling industry. A true self-made woman, but she still lacks confidence in herself.

Dr. Davis. Male, Early 30s. Handsome, charming doctor with a great smile. This is the type of guy you want at your death bed. There's something comforting about his presence. He seems to have feelings for Barbi.

Harry Lucia. Male, 20s. Susan’s troubled, emotionally unbalanced ex-boyfriend. He's been in and out of rehab for years. His controlling, obsessive personality has proven to be dangerous to Susan in the past.

Calvin Channing. Male, 40s. Susan’s sleazy photographer. He's famous for making models do "extra favors" for him. His inappropriate gestures were laughed at by Susan and Barbi.

Risa Rosen. Female, 30s. Susan’s greedy, manipulative agent. A heartless businesswoman who sees Susan's accident as "good publicity". She looks like she underwent too much plastic surgery.

Richard Jeremy. Male, 50s. Susan’s estranged, vindictive father. He seems to have alcoholic tendencies. After Susan turned 18 she left him, and he has not seen a dime of her fortune.

Dr. Saxon. Male, 50s. Older, stricter, grumpier doctor. Everyone wonders if he's really drinking coffee out of his mug...

Nurse Dora. Female, 40s. Bitchy head nurse. She's the Nurse Ratchet of the modern age - cool, expressionless, and seemingly devoid of all feelings. 

Nurse Penny. Female, Early 20s. Cute and quiet. She's the new nurse to the staff, and still does not have the confidence of the rest of the crew.

Nurse Kitty. Female, Late 20s. The sexy, perky nurse. She flirts with everyone - patients, doctors, visitors, paramedics - and would probably screw anything with two legs.

Hal. Male, Early 20s. The boyish, young paramedic who is handsome in a goofy, self-conscious way. He has feelings for Nurse Penny, but is too shy to make a move.

Ned. Male, Late 20s. The big armed, strong, cocky paramedic. He likes to brag about his "number" of women he's been with. Definitely enjoys picking on Hal. 

Final Thoughts

After 30 years, X-Ray/Hospital Massacre needs a check-up. It needs to be examined, rid of its illnesses, and released back into the world for a whole new audience. The idea of an incredibly hot woman being terrorized by a maniac in a surgical mask is a classic image in the slasher genre, and we need this generation's Barbi Benton to return to the creepy hospital corridors. I hear some Victoria's Secret models are trying to get into the movie business...


The thing that really dragged Hospital Massacre down was that, aside from Ms. Benton's appearance and the hospital setting, there was nothing unique about it. But if the remake chose to be more of a suspense filled thriller mystery with some slasher elements rather than an all-too standard maniac in a mask movie, than it will find more success. Keep the audience guessing with the whodunit while keeping them on the edge of their seats as the maniac gets closer to his beautiful target, one dead hospital staff member at a time...

10 Slashers That Could Benefit from a Remake: GRADUATION DAY (1981)

Now that we're well into 2012, something has occurred to me: it's the first year in a decade that has no slasher remakes scheduled for release. While the remakes have swooned the box office with usual great success, very few horror film movements have drawn up as much protest as the dreaded remake craze did.

It's pretty obvious, looking back, as to how studios and producers chose which slashers were deemed worth remaking - they were the slashers that were original moneymakers upon their original release. HALLOWEEN, THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, FRIDAY THE 13TH, PROM NIGHT, THE HILLS HAVE EYES, and A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET were all monster successes and pop-culture phenomenon's. Even more cult-y slashers like BLACK CHRISTMAS and MY BLOODY VALENTINE had earned a solid enough reputation to guarantee a solid fanbase.

But when you really think about it, doesn't the thought of remaking more well-known slasher films seem to sort of juxtapose what a remake stands for? Shouldn't they be remaking films that are less-known and more dated, to bring them to a modern-day audience? While 2012 might not have any remakes on its schedule, I can guarantee you that a second wave of remakes will eventually come along. But when it does, it should be focusing its efforts on the movies that actually could benefit from a redo. As we take a break from remakes in theaters, here's the ten suggestions for films to consider a redux for, and ways to take the original movie and make it fresh and modern without spitting in the face of the original's fans (here's looking at you, Rob Zombie!).

09. GRADUATION DAY

"Why are all the seniors dying to graduate?" and "Whoever thought surviving high school would be so hard?" are great questions to ask - and taglines for a remake of Graduation Day.

Back in the summer of 1981, Graduation Day was the equivalent to Prom Night from the summer before - a sleeper slasher hit. Earning nearly $24 million domestically at the box office, Graduation Day became the second highest grossing horror movie of the year, bested only by HALLOWEEN II, which made $25 million. But over time, Graduation Day quickly fell into the yarns of obscurity, and today it stands as one of the lesser seen slashers from the Golden Age of Slasher Films. So why didn't Graduation Day endure the cult status of movies like THE PROWLER, THE BURNING, or MY BLOODY VALENTINE? It's simple: by no means is Graduation Day a good movie! And because of that, it's the perfect flick to target for a remake.

The original film was a standard whodunit. The initiating incident is the sudden death of a female track star named Laura, who was so overworked that she died from a heart attack. Shortly after, a killer dressed in a grey sweatshirt, matching sweatpants, and a fencing mask - and carrying a fencing sword - starts killing the students in varying creative ways. Could it be the track coach who everyone blames for Laura's death? Or Laura's estranged sister who has recently returned home after her sister's mother? The girl's protective boyfriend? Or someone else entirely? 

Concept

Graduation Day's biggest failure was that the story pretty much ignores the graduation itself, instead zeroing in on the track team. Graduation is a ceremony where people move from one level to the next. The idea of graduating is being able to move onto the next stage of life. So in the Graduation Day remake, shouldn't the killer not want his targeted victims to move on from the past? 

Of course, a good slasher movie takes something horrible from the past and brings it back to bite the people of the present in the ass. When students are getting ready to graduate - and move on from the past - its the perfect opportunity for a killer to strike and make sure they don't live to graduate and move on!

When you graduate high school, you are making a huge step in life. The peers you are graduating with have possibly been with you since you were in pre-school. That's twelve-years of history. The mystery of Graduation Day needs to trace back all the way to pre-school, when the characters first met. And over the years, they have moved on from what happened... until now, when someone is out to remind them!

As for the tone of the Graduation Day remake, it should be similar to the remake of MY BLOODY VALENTINE or the SCREAM series - great, funny, suspenseful homages to slasher films from the early 80's. Graduation Day needs to have a sense of humor (I mean, just look at the source material), but it still needs to have enough chills, thrills, and gory scenes to keep horror viewers entertained. We're talking scenes reminiscent of the famous opening Drew Barrymore scene in Scream, only throughout the whole movie - brutal, intense, and gruesome, but also wildly entertaining and fun!

The Plot

The opening scene: a cat-and-mouse game of terror as high school student Karen Quigley slowly begins to realize that the prank caller flirting with her on the phone is, indeed, quite deranged and psychotic. In a play on the classic "Babysitter in Peril" urban legend, Karen's growing concerns would lead her to believe that her prank caller is more sinister than she first imaged, leading to her contacting the police. The police trace the call... to her own house! But by the time they arrive, Karen has met her gruesome demise...

"It's too bad Karen's dead," remarks class clown Robbie Draper the next day as he and his peers talk about the tragedy, "she promised to give me great head after graduation." While Robbie's so-called promise is probably false, Karen's reputation is not, and police look at faculty and students who have had rumored affairs with the deceased bombshell. 

But violin player Laura Ramstead has a funny feeling that Karen's reputation had nothing to do with the crime, and that the bloodshed doesn't stop with her. Unlike her peers, Laura has not forgotten about what happened to Betsy Codd. When Laura was in pre-school with Robbie, Karen, and several others, she vaguely remembers a little blonde girl named Betsy who mysteriously disappeared... and the adults never talked about it. While everyone else seems to have forgotten about Betsy, Laura knows in her heart that somehow Karen's death is related to what happened in pre-school... and it's only the beginning.

Laura is aided by dopey social outcast Billy Fisk, a drug dealing pothead skater who, despite his outside appearances, is actually a genuine person. As graduation approaches, Laura and Billy notice that several of their classmates are mysteriously absent from preparation ceremonies, and they begin to think the worst...

And they are right. Someone is killing off the graduating seniors, one by one. Each victim belongs to a different clique, and each student's history can be traced back to that pre-school class where Betsy Codd disappeared years ago. The town's long hidden secrets will violently unravel on graduation day.

The Mystery

Much of the movie would obviously be in the style of Scream, which ironically looked to the original Graduation Day for its own inspiration. It would be a self-aware slasher about a small town with a dark past, filled with some intense sequences of suspense and violence, followed by others with light-hearted humor and characters. And like Scream, the movie would revolve around a whodunit mystery, that would of course lead to a shocking reveal at the end of the movie. 

The original movie had some gruesome death scenes, although most blended together for being rather unspectacular. One student's pole-vaulting onto a bed of spikes demise is actually clever, but also illogical in terms of realism (after that, all graduation ceremonies would be cancelled for sure). In the remake, aside from Karen's opening kill, the deaths would have to remain hidden until the end of the movie, with a gory HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME-style "graduation ceremony" between the final survivor(s) and the killer(s). The deaths should include school-themed murders, like pencils through the eyeball, killing with play props, a lock room kill, and of course some kind of gory execution in the shop room!

The Characters 

Laura Ramstead. Female, 18. A gifted violin player. After her parents died in a car accident, she retreated to music as therapy. She is shy and keeps to herself, but is also sweet, caring, and intelligent.

Billy Fisk. Male, 18. Dopey skater who smokes and sells pot to earn friends. At his core he is caring and protective, especially of the girl he’s secretly had a crush on since pre-school... Laura.

Kevin Badger. Male, 18. Preppy Alpha-male of the school. Competitive in nature with a jealous and vindictive personality that creates intense frustration. Smart and manipulative.

Violet Hammerstein. Female, 18. Goth. Moody and angry. Dresses in black and always jams to music. She values individuality above all else.

George Michaels. Male, 18. Track star. Popular, quick, and strong. He’s used to all the attention being on him.

Delores White. Female, 18. Cheerleader. Popular, witty, and fashionable, but also shallow and bratty. The Sheriff’s daughter.

Robbie Draper. Male, 18. Sarcastic, funny, and outspoken. He’s always competing for attention, whether its good or bad. A teacher’s worst nightmare.

Greggor Weinerslav. Male, 18. Nerdy, bookish, and small, yet aggressive and assertive. Going to M.I.T. for school, and he’ll less you know it.

Liana Josbena. Female, 18. Overly dramatic, obnoxious, and loud. She thinks she’s going to be a Broadway diva someday.

Karen Quigley. Female, 18. She knows how to get what she wants, and doesn’t care about her reputation. Voluptuous and crude.

Final Thoughts

The original Graduation Day has become a laughing-stock of horror fans; it's dated, cheesy, and super-low budget. Plus, the film's story never truly connects to the movie's theme of graduation. However, Graduation Day is prime for the remake treatment and, if handled with commitment, could turn the once ridiculed franchise into a successful rebooted series. Just think of the sequels: "Graduation Day Part 2: College" and "Graduation Day Part 3: Grad School". 


Graduation Day cannot simply be an update of the 1981 original movie. That movie has been done. It has been completed. And even though its no masterpiece, it deserves to be left untouched. However the idea behind the film needs a little bit of touchup, and with a clever mystery, some fun laughs, well-crafted suspense, and fan-pleasing gore, than a Graduation Day remake would be a sure hit.